Yesterday was a strange day (are all bipolar days strange? please tell me, as I have nobody to compare to). I worked all day, obsessively, on the websites and the writing. I actually wrote two new articles, “You know you are a writer when”: writing and coffee addiction jokes, and the About page of this site; and published an article on my main blog that I had queued for weeks, The year 2020 in review (oy veh…). “Queued for weeks” means that I wrote that last article weeks ago, but held on to it as it will soon be going out to about 260 subscribers to my previous personal blog entitled Marc’s Life and Travels, which includes many friends and family who already think I am crazy. I don’t want to give them any additional evidence, so I am cautious in sharing bipolar-y writings with them.
All these things are absolutely thrilling to me: the unblocking of my writing and the quality of the new articles; my new author blog and the resurrection of the Marc’s Life and Travels list; my success in launching Developmental Circling (I have 8-9 people either paid-up or queued for two groups starting in January, and both introductions have been a home-runs); and finally the professionalism of the new websites and the clarification of their inter-relationship: the author blog, the Circling Guide site, the Authentic Singles site which also has some of my best writing; and now this new Healthy Bipolar brand that I am developing (of course, a bipolar person would never limit himself to developing merely ONE brand 🙂 … but that’s how it all seems to be working out. Each of these brands is a niche and requires its own site).
I went to sleep with the usual 12.5mg of Seroquel (that’s a whole post category, for later) and woke up somewhat groggy (but rested, Hallelujah praise the Lord) to discover that there has been NO engagement (I mean ZERO) on my facebook share of the bipolar writer jokes post, no new EventBrite sales of the DC (Developmental Circling) event, and no emails from clients… and I wonder: WTF was I thinking??? And I go down like a stone.
Which is, ironically, exactly what was predicted in yesterday’s post. I do pride myself in the ability to laugh at myself. And while I acknowledge the comedy of my life here, the laughter is also a bit sour.
Now: I know that becoming a successful blogger in any niche — let alone three — is not an overnight work. I don’t expect (and maybe don’t even want) my muggle family and muggle friends to engage this site, it’s just a niche that they have no interest in, and maybe some judgments about (I have been accused of “over-sharing”. Guilty as charged 🙂 ). I don’t expect daily sales and engagement on my DC offers. I know that my disappointment is a little “crazy”, meaning that its not aligned with business reality.
And so, in response I am doubling-up. Drinking more coffee and writing more crazy shit.
I am not at all sure I am doing the right thing. Should I not do some yoga? Go walk (or even jog) in the park, in the strong winter sun that I love? Pick-up the old Autoharp, that I have been promising myself to do for weeks, and even tracking my progress in my highly sophisticated organizational system (I have been scoring zero on the “Autoharp” metric for weeks). Should I not be doing something different than what I am, actually, doing?
And so goes the internal dialogue. I need to stop it now because I have therapy (yay). And just because it’s time to stop.